Here are some funny comments I have heard at the bridge table:
– After a complicated and confused auction, where opponents had found a Club fit, each of them proudly explained their cue bid of aces and kings, they settled in 7
. I doubled. One opponent says to the other “I think we found out who has the Ace of Clubs”.
After partner had passed his splinter bid, declarer found himself playing 4
on a 2-1 fit. “The next time we won’t be so lucky to find the trumps breaking 5-5”.
Right opponent opened 3. Left makes a forcing new bid. Rightie now rebids 3NT. Leftie bids 4NT. Right hand shows his King as a key card and Leftie thinking it was the Ace bid 7NT. Doubled by the opening leader, who held the Ace of Clubs (He will remain nameless, but Thai players know who he is), decided to underlead his Ace figuring they needed to set up Clubs to make the contract. Dummy shows up with a solid seven-card Diamond suit and five other tricks, wrapping up 7NT doubled. “His partner just smiled and said “don’t you know not to underlead an Ace when defending 7NT?”
Trying to find partner’s suit after a blind auction 1NT – 3NT, I had almost nothing in my hand, so I led the Jack of Spades from J x, hoping to find partner’s suit. Well, dummy puts down Q 10 9. Declarer turned to my partner and asked “what are your leads?”. To which he replied “do you mean besides horrible”.
Playing against Ron Anderson and Barry Crane. Very distributional hand. I was 5 – 5 – 2 -1 Crane opened 1 and made a Michaels cuebid. My partner was 5 – 6 – 1 – 1 so he splintered 4. Crane, who was vulnerable, risked a 5 bid. I bid 5
which was doubled. Anderson led his singleton Heart (not that bad a lead, hoping partner had either major suit ace). When I won and played 3 rounds of trumps, Crane’s first discard was a very angry Ace of Diamonds and 2nd was an even angrier Ace of Clubs. My Club loser now now goes away on the sixth Heart. My partner says to Anderson, “I don’t think your partner likes your lead”.
My favourite was one I heard about, but I wish I was there. After a disastrous session from a husband and wife pair, where he seemed to have misbid every hand, he got up to go to the toilet, when the new pair arrived at the table. They asked “where’s your partner?”. Her reply is an all-time classic “He’s gone to have a pee. It’s the first time tonight I know what he has in his hand”.
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